“Good Fuel”

 

 

 

 

“Good Fuel”

Kurtis Monson Adasi

 

Some’times’, it’s good for to me question what I put into my body mind. I wonder how people back in Jesus’ days lived to be so old? The fuel I put in me, be it food, music, water, working out, books, Actions, even thoughts are where I live are part of God's Temple. Love of what exactly? What we love, defines us. Our fuel defines us.

Anything that unifies us, is true. Anything that separates us, thinking i’m better/worse than you or anything else - that’s manhood. Or falsehood, which ever you choose… Debate exposes doubt, and the difference between medicine and poison is in the dose. Doubt/fear is poison. Poison can be addictive.

 

This is when people could say, you're glowing! That's when they say, your head's on fire. Well, yes it is. I love God. I’ve met other men and women of various religions or philosophies that were on fire too. When we have similar goals, we have similar fuel. What fuels you? What fuels your body? Is it besides the food? What fuels your mind? Is it the stuff we watch on tv? Is it the music we choose? Is it the clothes we decide to wear? I’m already successful, but until I open a nonprofit, my wallet and heart will be in different places. I’m already rich, it’s time to spread the wealth to those who are like me, not remembering who they are. 

 

That their homelessness, physical or mental illness, current job/lack of, car, clothes, and other basic necessities are fleeting, transient clouds that will come and pass. If something lasts longer than forever, if I honestly dabble into the rabbit hole of time, i come back up to see that I, us,  was part of Intelligent Design. An intellect that’s beyond the realm of the 3 dimensional boring story that can’t be told with labels, words, symbols, ideas or concepts. No, this is something you feel, and we all feel. Even if we’re paralyzed. We all see, even if we’re blind. We all Love, even if we don’t know what we’re loving on.

 

When we remember what our purpose is, the battle of addiction/fear and then love/Love becomes easier to see. To see that this world is operating out of fear. Fear of what someone else might think of me if…. Fear of what will happen if i don’t…. Fear of what happened in the past. Until we let go of these labels, like addiction, fear and start remembering what fearless Love is, the walk gets a bit easier. God is Love. What you call that, that’s up to you. I’m here to keep being humble sit down and write my quiet peace that i’ve had since before i took this body. So if our Spirits are perfect, our minds/bodies must not need to suit, depending on our fuel. I believed what I was told, that how i was born was wrong. I medicated an disease that didn't exist. That disease is called separation anxiety, in our terms today.I got sicker and sicker. I’m still in the process of fueling this body/mind with Love/Peace after years of the wrong fuel.

 

A question that I’ll ask you, Again: “ Who and what is God?”

 

Even if you can’t walk, I say with a smile, with a spinal appointment in the morning. I smile because, “I’m not the body. I’m not even the mind. It’s easy to smile at fear when I think death is not being able to express myself. Death would be when I stop letting the World know how much I love God. Until then, which I’ll never let fear allow me to not speak my peace again, this body and mind are vital to the message of Peace and Love that require absolutely no understanding. I’m mixing fear and faith for my back, and if i read what i wrote a bit ago, a piece called “Gravity”, I see how i truly felt at that time. My self expression captured a picture that I don’t want to forget. It’s coming to life now, and it hurts. Pain is a reminder of this apparent separation between us and Them. Humans and the rest of the Universe.

Question is, what is pain? What is separation anxiety? I’ve been battered from head to toe, and I won’t go into that but let’s say, I thought I knew what pain was. When i was in my late teens, I had a sledding accident that broke a couple ribs, punctured my right lung and broke the butterfly bones in my lower back. Years and years of work, both paid and unpaid, I’ve felt like something is amiss. Something seems wrong, so I’m going to get whatever help i can get. I used to be so judgmental of Western Medicine vs Eastern, that’s because I lost hold of the Collective Consciousness idea.

 

 When i remember that, the separation from east/west, north / south become less evident. Unity becomes apparent when that fear of not being able to dance, walk, sing, have sex and other stuff make me feel paralyzed. Fear is paralyzing. Love is life giving. I love God, and I know He will provide a way. He always does.

The idea of putting expectations on God. Whoa, what a concept. God’s got no track record because I figure most of what he does isn’t always written. It’s shown in people actions, choices and how they express themselves through said actions/choices. If God has no track record, I can expect him to do what he always does - See Me Through. Without fail. People can let us down, but God, sometimes, I feel like you’re all I want to talk about, sing about, pray about, meditate about, write about, dance about, create art about. It’s always been that way. For that, I am grateful, and I love you for that.

Once I leave this Earth, my Love for God will outlast the body/mind that he gave me to enjoy this thing called Life. I’ve enjoyed life so much, as I try to help people feel how I feel now. I try to make people what I felt on a school bus in Chatty Town, TN as I stared off out of that window. My eyes were open, my mind was quiet, my ears heard noise but all I could feel and see was something I wasn’t able to explain. It was something that wasn’t taught to me in that school. It was something I knew was real, but had no idea what it as. It was Peace. It was Bliss. It was something I’d spend the rest of my life trying to SEEK.

Then someone said, one day. Stop seeking.

 

I doubt the great men and women of the past remembered what doubt was when they were changing history. Oh, right. Cognitive dissonance can’t describe the Dream MLK had, or the disconnection it takes to be burning alive with flames that roast the skin unless that Monk remembers. We must remember That separation to not be able to feel pain, well I wouldn’t resort to that right now. 

 

I need to feel this neurological pain in my back. If i have no regrets about the past, and love myself now because I want to continue what I”ve done before someone told me my name was Kurtis. Just because I’ve been ready to die my whole life - that doesn’t mean I’m sick. It means I’m different. That brings one of my favorite fuels to mind, Music. Lady Gaga said, “Baby, you were born this way.”

I thought she was talking about homosexuality. I’m not gay, but I don’t care if you are. If it makes you happy, how can it, THAT, a fleshy thing like that, even have a place in a world that’s animated with fleshy minds that a “Source” watches innocently. That’s a beautiful harmony that’s been sung since man started expressing himself. Self expression is crucial.

To be the change I want to see in the world, I look in the mirror. I might say, I love You. I might say, You look rough. If i take a picture of my family, as big as it may be, what difference is there? Isn’t my tears, my pain, my Love the same kind that everyone else in my family has? Sure, it might look or sound different, but my tears and cries aren’t just heard by my actual physical family. 

 

I cry because i’m not afraid of my emotions. Emotions are the only thing keeping me from wanting peace so much that I just let go and drift to that place where I sat on the bus, as a kid and saw. I might get lost in my appearance, then stop caring about the past, how i looked, the future, how i might look and get lost, stuck or even forget that….

“I am not the body, I am not even the mind.”

There’s no I in team. It takes a village to change the world. This Village doesn’t care if you censor yourself. We should all know the right thing to do, cuz our GPS (God Positioning Satellite) is inside of us. If we make bad decisions, we can change them. If we see cycles of our lives, we can change them. Pain/fear are hand in hand. Painlessness and Fearlessness is like mixing Love/Water. Oil/vinegar. They can and won’t stay together. I thought I was fearless. Then I realized, not yet.

Therefore, if I choose a new life, I am reborn. If i get scared of something I can’t see, then the faithless and faceless have won. The shadows of my past can’t creep in on the bright future I know I, you, We this Earth is having. Faith is forgiving. Faith is Loving. Faith isn’t always understanding, but caring in spite. Love doesn’t care if Kuris has had a bad day, because if faith is love, and Love is God then my actions speak louder than my misdemeanors. If i’m a thief, then my record of choices shows that.

 

 If i can’t accept the stuff that ‘they’ know about me, then what will that say about my future? That I’d stumble into Wal-Mart again because I was homeless and wanted food? Or the truth, that i was homeless because I was hooked on drugs? Honesty is easier, and i was homeless because I thought I found God in a pipe. I even thought I found God in music. Then I found God at Uwharrie National Forest. Then I looked behind the couch and there he is again. I thought I found God / Love in money. I thought I found God in a chemical. I had to put down the manhood, the false fear of not having enough. The fear of being lonely. The fear of not knowing what’s going to happen. The fear of…

Not having faith in something that could get me way higher than a drug. Although, I did take some medicines to help with this unusual spinal pain….

That's it. What I call God is a personal choice, and whatever that CHOICE is, owns us. Just not those who have the same goals, to serve the Lord or themselves/Earth. We should remember that I'm not the body/mind but that also means making better decisions. If I remember that I'm not the body, Wait! I'm not even the mind. So, who are you?

What makes you, you. How is that different than what makes me Kurt? Separation anxiety is when we lean on the flesh, because we forget we're not the body. Anxiety is disconnection from faith. So is depression. With bad fuel the body gets affected by the energy / fuel it needs. So good food for body, mind and our innocent Souls watch with pain when the body/mind remember it's goals are anything other than to not to get addicted to God/Love.

I asked a 3 year old boy one day, as I gave him a ride home to his mother's house a simple question. A question so old that it's easy to answer with true honesty, as it required no thought.

"Jimbo, who is God?
"God is Love."
If addiction is a a disease. It's forgetting that we're not the mind/body then guess what....

Do I want to Love? Help? Nurture? I”ll start with nature and work my way up.

When will we see that if nonviolence is the best weapon, that love and peace are it's instruments to play a melody not an easy life. No. Peace and Love are actually the weapons us Strong. Despite my size, I’ve never hurt anyone minus my best friend when i tackled him when i was a kid. When i saw how scared that made him, i was terrified. I remembered what it was like then, and now to have fear. Just like love, it’s a choice.

I love you for reading this, as self expression shows someone's true intentions. If my intention us to spread God's Love and Peace, then I need to stop worrying about the future. Forget the past, gently. When I want to get stuff done, somtimes it takes money. When I feel uneasy, I'm battling internally. When I stop fighting what I know is wrong (taught) and remember I'm not the body or mind, a lot happens. Who are you?

I ask again, who am I? If my tears and blood are the same as yours, I see what Shallow Hal means now. I see what the movie I Feel Pretty means. If you can't swim in the deep end, that's fear. That you've been taught correctly. That you, or I, think we know something... Anything of value. When I meet a genuinely Godly person, be they a Dark soul that needs Love it can be from a Christian, Krishna, Universalist or otherwise. When a plant needs water, does it say, “Hey i want tap water instead of rain water?” When you feed a horse, does it tell you what it wants? Does it tell you what it needs? If i can see that someone’s dark, Our Light will shine through their glittering blackness. If I know God doesn't hurt people, but people do. Then they ask, well what about Hitler? Stalin? Khan? Name anyone else who loves their village more than the World. Go on, I'll wait.

Now the other names throughout recorded history any prophet, any leader, anyone who remembering their worth. A leader’s actions will speak of his villages intentions. Self-worth isn't reflected in a big bank account. So much is reflected by how much love and peace we can throw into the world. If you we have to fight in war and come back home alive... Maybe that's called spiritual buffering? If you have to go to war in the concrete jungle and make it out of life... Maybe that's called spiritual buffering. The question is what we feed our bodies and minds decides if we're going to keep fueling this Galaxy with Positive food or negative food for body, mind and Soul. Aye.

I serve God. I'm Kurt KurtByrd Monson and I know what I've been taught was a form of conditioning. The kind that makes life seem hard.  When I forget what it's like to Love from the inside out, regardless if my fuel for body and this finite mind can help it, There’s only two things I can do. Focus on what my Attentions are (past) and what my Intentions are (future). That eliminates the need to worry about anything as long as my attention is on what my intentions are. I’m alive, therefore If I can pay attention  to how can I ever be broke. If I'm so broke I can't pay attention, maybe my intention shouldn't be on money. Yes money is very important, it gets a lot of stuff done. Then again, has it really? If i’ve never valued money, is that why I’m poor? If my kindness is mistaken as weakness, isn’t that actually a great thing? Luckily for me, it doesn’t take money to be kind.

Is my idea of Happiness having a lot of money? No never has been. My days of Joy, is putting out a lot of love and  peace that requires no understanding. if I drop the fear and remember that at one point either in this life or different one, I was Fearless then it's easier to remember. Remember that life is beautiful. Life has tragedy. That's not balanced. That's how it was. That's not how it has to be in a world measured by a thing called time. If God made time and this beautifully tragic Universe, how dare I ever judge someone's expression of something they love? That's not fair to their past, my past or Our future.

"When history repeats itself, we're rooted in the flesh. The flesh that's animated by something that doesn't know what Space/Time is.”
-Anonymous

When we remember that, we're aiming from the ground Up. Thank you God for a chance to praise you without censorship.

God bless the US and don’t forget the rest of the World. We love you, even of some of us can't remember that we're not the flesh or the mind.

In the words of a dear friend, if I’m poor, i can still afford to be anything I want. That includes being an Oshinaba Passive Fist The best things in life truly are free.

The first thing a Child writes is his or her or its name.

Death to the ego doesn’t have to be fun, dramatic or entertaining.

It just is/was a thing that was so concerned with time that it got lost in translation.

However, the struggle is real. People out there need help. Let’s go help them, we all know what it feels like to say, “Wow, nobody gets me.” I understand pain. I understand blood, sweat and tears. To feel lonely, to feel anything. To help someone you don’t have to imagine how they feel, because deep down, somewhere inside of us, we all know what pain feels like.

Stop stressing and start blessing.

 

Best Regards.

Ebirien cares